Counseling for LGBTQ+ Parents
Do You Feel Overlooked and Isolated as a Queer Person Building Your Family?
Maybe you’ve encountered medical providers who ask inappropriate questions or lack basic knowledge of LGBTQ+ relationships and family building. You may be stressed by the extra logistical and financial effort in becoming a parent. Your isolation could be two-fold: simply existing as a queer parent in a cis-heteronormative society and feeling disconnected from your LGBTQ+ community that you’ve lovingly built as you focus on parenting.
All the Extra Effort and Money It Takes to Become a Parent as an LGBTQ+ Person Isn’t Fair
The time and cost of building your family isn’t the same as the hetero experience, and you may wish you could get your partner pregnant or become a parent without having to go through all this extra effort. You could be navigating legal and custodial issues, and worried about the political climate in this country and what that means for the safety of your family. Perhaps you’re assessing whether you’re safe in your current location and where you’ll have support for raising children.
Perhaps your relationship with your partner feels strained and you’re dealing with the stressors in different ways. It could be that you’re grappling with questions about who will carry the pregnancy or whose genetic material will be used. Maybe there’s financial strain as a result of paying for third-party reproduction. If you’re pregnant or postpartum, you could be experiencing gender dysphoria, relationship changes, or mood changes that disrupt your sense of wellbeing.
All you want is to love who you love and expand your love to include children. With the help of LGBTQ+ affirmative therapy, you can process your experiences and fears to find strength and equilibrium for your parenting journey.
LGBTQ+ Families Have Always Existed and Are Here to Stay
There are 2.6 million LGBTQ+ adults in the U.S. who are parenting children.* And 63% of LGBTQ+ millennials in the U.S. are considering expanding their families to become parents for the first time or have more children.^
You’re not alone if stress, anxiety, and resentment feel more present during your LGBTQ+ fertility and family building journey. Becoming a parent is a major life change that is already destabilizing, transformative, and taxing, without the extra layer of your queer identity. You are not “the problem”--you’re expanding your LGBTQ+ family within cis-heteronormative systems that are not often attuned to your family and your life.
Your Mental Health Matters
LGBTQ+ parents often navigate societal discrimination and microaggressions. You may face questions about your legitimacy as parents or field intrusive comments about your family structure. Constantly explaining or defending your family can be exhausting and emotionally taxing. Being part of a marginalized community as gay parents, you may be encountering homophobia, stigma, and prejudice from medical providers, family members, or even strangers, and this takes a toll on your mental health.
The financial resources required to build your family may be leading to increased stress and put a strain on existing relationships. You could be managing tense relationships with extended family members who don’t accept your identity or family structure, or lay awake at night worrying about your children’s safety and belonging.
Feelings of overwhelm and doubts are common during this time. The good news, however, is that with the help of a compassionate, trained parenting counselor who is also a queer parent, you can find ways to decrease your stress and begin to joyfully inhabit your identity as a queer parent.
Counseling for LGBTQ+ Parents Can Help You Decrease Your Stress and Claim Your Strengths
We know that LGBTQ+ individuals have higher rates of mental health struggles, and queer family therapy is an evidence-based treatment to help people cope with parenting while holding marginalized identities. I’ve dealt with a variety of issues queer people face on the road to building their family. As a reproductive mental health specialist, I combine my extensive training on fertility treatments, fostering and adopting, and the LGBTQ+ experience with a measured, compassionate approach.
Whether you’re already pregnant or have a child, starting to consider expanding your family, or somewhere in-between, counseling for LGBTQ+ parents can help you to process feelings, develop new coping skills, and connect to your innate capacity for growth and healing.
The Training and Experience to Support Your Healing
I have specialized training in reproductive mental health, most notably with a Maternal Mental Health Certificate for Clinical Providers from Postpartum Support International. I’m a professional member of Postpartum Support International, where I led the Queer and Trans Parent Support Groups and of GLMA: Health Professionals Advancing LGBTQ+ Equality. I’ve also completed training on Creating an Inclusive Practice and Trans Fertility Considerations with the Family Equality Council.
On a personal note, I hold an LGBTQ+ identity.
What to Expect From Our Work Together
Your feelings, fears, and dilemmas will be held with compassion, clinical understanding, and care. We’ll get curious about the root causes of your distress and process your feelings about your parenting journey as they arise. Your family building will be affirmed and validated, and tailored to your particular identity and choices.
Queer parent therapy clients often focus on:
Developing coping skills for stress management - practicing mindfulness exercises, somatic practices, and relaxation techniques that will help to decrease your stress and improve your health
Deepening self-awareness and processing trauma - exploring recurring emotions to better understand the unique impact of family building challenges on you, problem solving to handle difficult situations, and addressing “stuck” trauma experiences through EMDR
Building resilience and finding meaning - naming and honoring what you’ve been through to strengthen your confidence as a parent and individual, fostering connections with your chosen family to enhance support, and integrating your family building experiences into your life narrative
With the help of a supportive and experienced therapist for queer parents and LGBTQ+ parents, it is possible to feel less alone and seen, heard, and affirmed on your parenting journey. It is possible to navigate decisions aligned with your values and needs. It is possible to tend to your relationship with your partner prior to or after growing your family so you can move forward in love and health together.
You May Still Have Questions About Counseling for Queer Parents
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First, I’m sorry that’s been your experience. I get the exhaustion and frustration that can come with needing to educate a therapist about your identity, family dynamics, or conception journey. I myself am a queer parent and bring that identity and lens to this work. You can rest assured I recognize and support diverse family structures, respecting my client’s lived experiences. Finding someone who is LGBTQ+ affirming is more than just a statement on their website–though that’s a good start. Research, recommendations from other queer parents, and initial consultations can help you ensure you find the right fit.
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I get it, as building your family as a queer person requires a significant investment. If you do have health insurance, many plans offer reimbursement for services from an out-of-network provider, especially once you reach your deductible. You can do an instant benefits check here to see if you can get reimbursed for a portion of your therapy costs. Some potential clients also find it helpful to reflect on what the costs will be of not getting support, on yourself, your relationships, and your desired future.
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Not at all. Therapy is a strength-based process that empowers you to address your mental health and build resilience, not a judgment on your parenting abilities. Rather than it being an indication of weakness, deciding to seek therapy is a proactive step to improve the way you’re able to show up for yourself and others.
Strengthen Your Family and Yourself With Therapy for Queer Parents
If you’d like to schedule an initial consultation or discuss any questions you may have regarding counseling for LGBTQ+ parents and LGBTQ+ couples therapy in Los Angeles, I invite you to reach out by clicking on the buttons below.
