Four Reasons Why Support Groups Can Feel Triggering—And What to Do About It

When you picture a support group, you might imagine a circle of people sharing openly, nodding in understanding, and offering comfort to one another. For many parents, these groups provide exactly that: a lifeline during a time of big changes.

But if you’ve ever walked away from a parent support group feeling unsettled, triggered, or even lonelier than before, you’re not alone.

Support groups can be deeply healing, but they can also stir up complex emotions, especially for people who are navigating fertility challenges, pregnancy, or postpartum recovery. Instead of rejecting groups as a source of support, understanding why this happens can help you approach groups with more compassion for yourself and clarity about what to do when triggered.

4 Reasons Why Support Groups Can Feel Triggering

1. Comparison Creeps In

If you’re a high achiever who has reached success in your professional life, you may be used to striving, pushing through, and making things “work.” In a support group, you might find yourself comparing your journey to others—wondering why someone else’s baby sleeps longer, or why another parent conceived quickly while you’re still waiting. Comparison is human, but it can leave you feeling behind or inadequate instead of supported.

2. Stories Can Activate Old Wounds

Hearing others’ experiences is powerful—but it can also touch sensitive spots. For example, if you’ve experienced pregnancy loss, someone sharing their uncomplicated birth may stir grief. Or if you’re navigating fertility treatments or a queer person building your family, hearing about surprise pregnancies can feel painful. 

3. You Carry the Weight of Others

If you’re someone who often puts others’ needs first, you may notice yourself leaving the group not only with your own emotions but also carrying the sadness or struggles of others. Instead of feeling lighter, you may feel heavier, as though you’ve taken on one more responsibility. It can be hard to “turn off” the emotional caretaking that you do in your everyday life.

4. Belonging Feels Uncertain

Even in inclusive spaces like support groups for queer parents or postpartum groups designed for people struggling with the adjustment, you might still feel like an outsider. Maybe you’re the only one doing IVF, the only single parent, or the only one working outside the home. Feeling “different” in a group designed for togetherness can amplify feelings of isolation.

What You Can Do About It

Set Gentle Boundaries

Before you join, remind yourself: you don’t have to share everything. And you don’t have to take in everything either. It’s okay to excuse yourself if a story feels too heavy. It’s okay to simply listen without offering solutions. Boundaries create safety, and they help you stay present in a way that feels sustainable. 

Practice this: Before you attend the group, try imagining a colorful bubble all around you. Imagine this bubble lets in only what you allow, and everything else bounces gently off. 

Name What You Need

Sometimes, the most powerful step is saying out loud what you hope to get from a group. Maybe you need practical postpartum tips. Maybe you’re craving connection with other queer parents navigating early parenthood. Research on social support highlights that outcomes improve when participants’ needs and expectations are named and addressed (Hogan, Linden, & Najarian, 2002).

Practice this: Share your hopes during the initial introductions or during the intake with your group facilitator. If you’re more comfortable sharing one-on-one, it can look like an email or private chat with the group facilitator outside of the group session.

Balance Groups With One-on-One Support

If groups tend to bring up more emotions than they soothe, it doesn’t mean you’re failing at group. Groups are activating for a reason; it’s one of the reasons why they’re such a powerful therapy modality. At the same time, some people find they need to pair support groups with individual therapy sessions. A safe, one-on-one space allows you to process feelings that groups might stir up.

Practice this: Jot down what “came up” for you after group, when it’s fresh in your mind, and bring that content into your individual session. Perhaps schedule your individual therapy after the group session during the week.

Choose Groups Thoughtfully

Not all groups are created equal. A postpartum group focused on emotional wellbeing may feel very different from a parent education group that emphasizes sleep training. Take time to find a group that matches your values and season of life. The group facilitator will have a big impact on your group experience, not just the content of the group or the group members (though that matters too!).

Practice this: Request a brief, free consultation with the group facilitator (if they don’t already offer this) before you register for the group. During this consult, ask about their experience, their style of facilitation, and how they would handle a situation that you’re imagining might trigger you.

Practice Post-Group Care

It’s normal for a group therapy session to bring up emotions and thoughts to the surface, just like an individual therapy session. This is not a sign you’re doing something wrong, “too sensitive,” or should stop attending. Attending to yourself post-group helps you digest what came up, signals to your body that you are cared for and safe, and adds a closing ritual to the experience.

Practice this: Consider what might feel good to you after a group therapy session. This could be similar to what you might do after an individual therapy session or an emotional event. Some ideas could be: a gentle walk outside, a warm bath, journaling, mindful breathing, coloring, dancing, tapping, or laying down with an eye mask. 

Final Thoughts

Support groups are a powerful reminder that none of us is meant to do parenthood—or the journey to get there—alone. And yet, they can also highlight tender spots in ways you may not expect. If you find yourself feeling triggered, it doesn’t mean you don’t belong—it means you’re human. It means you care deeply.

The goal isn’t to avoid connection, but to stay with yourself when people trigger you. With the right boundaries, self-awareness, and self-support, groups can be powerful sources of healing and growth.

If you’re curious about finding a support group that aligns with your current needs—or if you’d like to explore individual therapy to complement the groups you’re in—I’d love to help. Schedule a free consultation with me today, and let’s talk about how to create the kind of support system you deserve.

Reference:

Hogan, B. E., Linden, W., & Najarian, B. (2002). Social support interventions: Do they work? Clinical Psychology Review, 22(3), 381–440.